Self-reflection reveals what we want most.

Self-reflection is a powerful accountability tool that helps us identify places where we can improve to become better, stronger, smarter, and all it takes is a little quality time spent with ourselves. By regularly performing these two simple practices, you’ll learn everything you need to start a self-reflection habit, and even be able to adjust it as time progresses!

“Self-reflection is the school of wisdom.”

– Baltasar Gracian

Practice One: Engage in Daily Active Questioning

One of the biggest challenges with self-set goals is the only person we’re accountable to is ourselves. In the moment we often allow lenience and give ourselves a pass on doing what we know we should. After we allow this slip, we very quickly become our own worst critic. Engaging in harsh and detrimental self-judgment, it’s through this dark lens we look at failures and motivation is destroyed.

Active Questioning is a great solution that allows us to self-assess proactively instead of self-judge reactively. In Marshall Goldsmith’s “Triggers” he describes a process of “Daily Active Questions” these are a self-guided reflection practice to check in with yourself. It stems the tide of overwhelming negativity by allowing you to more directly engage with perceived shortcomings and adjust easily. Simply put, they are questions you ask yourself every day in relation to the goals and actions you planned to do.

Step 1: Create your list of questions.

Always start them with “Did I do my best to…” this is important because it focuses the effort of reflection on what we can control, ourselves. Here’s a list of starter questions, feel free to adapt them to be more specific to your life and goals. There are no right or wrong questions, ask yourself what matters to you. Here are some examples Marshall gives:

Did I do my best to…

1. set clear goals today?
2. make progress towards my goals today?
3. find meaning today?
4. be happy today?
5. build positive relationships today?
6. be fully engaged today?

Step 2: Block in time at the end of your day to rate your efforts.

On a scale of 1–10: 1 being “You didn’t try at all’ — 10 being “You made every effort.” ask them to yourself and reflect on your answers.

Step 3: Reflect on your answers and insights.

The scope of meaning behind your ratings is going to be unique to you. Low scores do not necessarily mean you don’t care about whatever you’re assessing. It could also mean you simply need to find a way to buckle down on your dedication towards the action you want to take.

On the other end, a high score does not necessarily mean there is nothing for you to improve. You could have made every effort, but did not actually do the thing you wanted because something got in your way. This exposes a roadblock to you that can now be worked on, so you can find success in achieving your daily actions.

Notes: The results of your reflection on Daily Active Questions can be a big factor in turning things around when times are hard. They are wonderful to discuss with loved ones who you know are in support of your efforts. If you solicit their help in keeping you accountable it will strengthen your relationship and even build them up. The questions can also lead to insights about what is really important to you, removing from your plans any actions that are actively hurting you. When you stop letting all the habits that are detrimental to your mental, physical, and even spiritual health it’s the silver bullet to turning around stagnation in your life. So when you are engaging with these questions, be honest and kind with yourself. Do that and you’ll quickly find yourself on the path to living a life you can be proud of.

If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, Practice Two will help!

Practice Two: Walk the Self-Talk

Negative Self-Talk is one of the most damaging things we do to ourselves and it is so easy to engage with when we are feeling threatened or self-conscious. It’s often the trigger of cyclical thinking- a crippling practice of associating all the worst aspects and events of your past to present situations. Ultimately, making it a real killer of any feelings of resourcefulness that firmly drives you into a rut and even into bouts with anxiety and depression.

Walk the Self-Talk is a powerful self-regulated practice that turns negative self-talk on its head. Transforming this potentially self-destructive habit into a trigger for massive change!

Step 1: Anytime you’re feeling at your lowest point take a moment to write the biggest challenge you’re facing at the top of a blank page.

Step 2: Then write down all the negative self-talk you’re experiencing related to that challenge.

Step 3: When you’re done, draw a line to separate the page, then write the title “The Truth Is”.

Step 4: Under that title, for every line item of negative self-talk address the truth of it.

Step 5: Face and Address the Truth.

1. If you know the item to be a false perception of who you are, write a retort to the negative talk.
2. If you feel as though the negative talk is true, take a moment to forgive yourself and let yourself know that it’s ok you’re having this issue.
3. Now to address it, reflect on the line item and decide how you will change your actions so it’s no longer true.

After you’ve completed the exercise, fold the paper in half, or however you need to. Display it or put it in a place where it’s easily accessible, while you’re working through your challenge. Use it to shield yourself when negative self-talk hits again. Now that you know it’s either outright false or that you’re in control, and know exactly what to do to address the issues your mind is highlighting.

Notes: You can perform this practice for more than one challenge at a time, but recognize if you have multiple challenges you’re facing the best thing you can do is focus on one thing at a time.

Suggestion: When you’re feeling really low, try to knock out the quickest and easiest things first. This gives you some momentum by racking up small wins. Use the confidence you get from tackling the little things to conquer the bigger ones!

When we have a stronger sense of self, we are more able to deal with the challenges that arise in our lives. Big or small reflecting on how we process and address them is a cornerstone of staying productive and motivated to accomplish what we really want. Look inside, figure out what is in the way, and work past it.

As they say, you can do anything you put your mind to!

This was originally published on BestSelf.co blog